Tales of Destiny - In a nutshell
by J. M. Lee
Summary: Erm... TofD parody and run-through of comic stuff.. inspired by Thumbnail Theatre. =)
1. Chapter 1: An Introduction

Tale of Destiny -- Game in a Nutshell  
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Okay, so I wrote this because there's so much stupidity in TofD, but yet it's my favorite game after Lufia 2 XD Sad, so sad.. okay, not really. Anyway, here's a parody humor bit for all you fans out there.. and for you non-fans who are, for some reason, reading this. =P  
  
Uh yeah.. Tales of Destiny isn't my game, yatta yatta, you know the drill. =) Also, concept taken from Toastyfrog.com's Thumbnail Theatres. You're great!  
  
Being that this is the whole game parodized, I'd reccomend you to watch for falling spoilers, typos, and whacky grammatical structurs. Take that, SATs!  
  
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1: An introduction  
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Guard 1: AwMAAAN, wattup wit' dis? do we gotta check this storage room too?  
  
Guard 2: Of course we do, yo! We gotta check EVERY storage room; tha's what we gets PAID for!  
  
Guard 1: AwMAAAN, this sucks, man! I wan'ed t'be a pilot man, or at least one of them guys with the aprons..  
  
Guard 2: Thassa flight attendant, g.. and they don't have those on this ship. Thissiz the Draconis man.  
  
Guard 1: The Draconis? Man, I thought it was a passenger plane!  
  
Guard 2: Wattup wichu man? I'm surrounded by stupidity! ...Let's just get this over wit, aight?  
  
Guard 1: Yeah, I guess that's 'kay..  
  
Stahn: Hi, I hope you don't mind if I'm sleeping in your cargo hold.  
  
Guards: Uh..  
  
Stahn: Great! I'll just go back to sleep then. Zzzzzzzz...  
  
Guard 2: No way! Deeeeyam! A stowaway! You getta meet the captain n' stuff.  
  
Stahn: Great! Oh wait, I'm sleeping. Sorry. Zzzzzzzzzzz.  
  
Captain: Wake up and listen to me man! I dunno was' wichu, but you betta get it togetha soon!  
  
Stahn: Just ten more minutes..  
  
Guard 2: Bang BANG! Wake up! BANG!  
  
Stahn: Alright, alright, I'm up... Whaddayawant?  
  
Captain: You're here to steal IT, aren't you!  
  
Guard 1: Way to tell him they's somethin' important on the ship..  
  
Stahn: "IT"? I dunno whacher talkin' about! That's crazy. You're crazy. Wackin' crazy man.   
  
Captain: DATSit!!! Take out the metal, boyz!  
  
Stahn: Ow! Oh, ow, that hurts! It's heavy and metal and sharp and BLUNT--OW! That one's not blunt, that's a pencil! Ow, my knee-cap, my knee-cap!  
  
Guard 1: Why are we beating him into submission again?  
  
Guard 2: I don't know, but here come some monsters!  
  
Stahn: Thank God! Now I can escape in the melee... what's this?  
  
Dymlos: I'm a talking sword. You're special.  
  
Stahn: That's what my elementary teacher always said.  
  
Dymlos: Hoo-ha, death to bad guys!  
  
Stahn: Violence! Oh no! Let's escape in the egg pod!  
  
Dymlos: Sure thing! Let's go!   
  
Stahn: Wheeeee! Oh no, the ground! Gosh darnit, I hate being unconscious.  
  
Garr: Heh heh, you're unconscious. Oh well, being the good-hearted king guy I am, why don't you come to my house and recover.  
  
Dymlos: I'm not talking to you because your waist is WAY skinny.  
  
Garr: I don't even use a corset.  
  
Stahn: Woohoo, I'm alive!  
  
Alba: You need to go find my neice.. granddaughter.. okay, I don't know what relation I have to her, but you need to find her.  
  
Stahn: Sure.  
  
Chelsea: I don't know WHY I bought this outfit.  
  
Stahn: Heh, look at your hair, it bounces when you walk.  
  
Chelsea: You know what I need? A hat's what I need!  
  
Alba: First you need to sew buttons on my pants!  
  
Chelsea: Eww..  
  
Stahn: We'll be leaving now..  
  
Garr: Welcome to Janos.  
  
Running kid: Lookit me run around this tree!  
  
Garr: I gotta go.  
  
Stahn: Is it just me, or are people in places crazy?  
  
Dymlos: That Garr-guy needs some major lard intake.  
  
Mary: Ow, I walked RIGHT into you. Oh well, can you help me?  
  
Stahn: ..Mrrrrow, what kinda help ya lookin' for?  
  
Mary: My friend is a stupid and got caught in a trap.  
  
Stahn: Sounds kinky.  
  
Rutee: Get me down from here!  
  
Stahn: I got your down right here, honey! Oh crap, I got caught too.  
  
Mary: I should just leave you here, but being the nice person I am, I'll save you.  
  
Rutee: Great. Stahn, go away.  
  
Stahn: Okay, here I goOoooops, there's some guys blocking the way.  
  
Soldier: Har har har, I gonna give you a woopin'!  
  
Soldier 2: Yeah, open a canna kickass on joo all!  
  
Soldier 3: Yeah, yeah!  
  
Mary: Kapow!  
  
Stahn: Ya!  
  
Rutee: Go Gekigengar!  
  
Stahn: Well, we beat them.  
  
Rutee: I guess you're OK, but you still suck.  
  
Mary: Well, now that that's settled, let's go to a bar.  
  
Rutee: Good idea. I always like vodka after a tough battle.  
  
Stahn: I have a Swordian.  
  
Mary: I'm sure you do.  
  
Rutee: Me too.  
  
Atwight: Lookin' sharp, Dymlos. Ha. Get it?  
  
Dymlos: Mighty good fun! You always have been the jokster, Atwight.  
  
Rutee: I have to go now. Gimmee back my sword.  
  
Atwight: Rutee, you suck.  
  
Rutee: No, you suck more!  
  
Atwight: I hate you! You never listen!  
  
Rutee: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!! *weep*  
  
Stahn: What's up with them?  
  
Mary: Idno. I lost my memory.  
  
Stahn: Does that make you a moron?  
  
Mary: Sure. What's your excuse?  
  
Stahn: ....Harsh. 


	2. Chapter 2: Irony of Fate, Toastery of DE...

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2: Irony of Fate, Toastery of Death  
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Rutee: Okay Stahn, after a half an hour you're awake.  
  
Stahn: Or so you THINK..  
  
Rutee: Anyway, we're going to Harmentz now because I said so.  
  
Stahn: Okay.  
  
Mary: Man, have you been whipped.  
  
Walt: Here's some money.  
  
Rutee: I'll just help myself to a little more--Cha ching!  
  
Walt: No way! How did you find out where I hid it?  
  
Rutee: We'll go now.  
  
Walt: Okay, and I'll just stand here and watch you leave.  
  
Mary: Sounds good to me.  
  
Stahn: What just happened?  
  
Rutee: Nevermind. Let's go to the hotel.  
  
Stahn: Mrrrrow, sounds good to me.  
  
Rutee: Quiet, you moron! Here'syourroom*SLAM!*  
  
Stahn: This sucks.  
  
(the next morning)  
  
Rutee: Yawn, I'm awake. So is Stahn. Let's go somewhere.  
  
Mary: We can't, those three soldiers are here.  
  
Soldier 1: Really, we'll beat you this time.  
  
Rutee: Booyah!  
  
Soldier 1: Okay, so I was wrong. Gack.  
  
Mary: Cripey, we're surrounded!  
  
Rutee: Suckage City, man.  
  
Stahn: I guess we have to die now. But wait, what's that sound?  
  
Leon: Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms... Halt you! I'm gonna kick your worthless asses!  
  
Rutee: Yay! Free ride to Darilshied! Ow! Swords hurt!  
  
Leon: You bet your behind they do! Take this, and this! And this too!  
  
Mary: I'm sure this verbal abuse wasn't in the script.  
  
Leon: Silence! Now let's go to Darilshied.  
  
Stahn: Again, I say, this sucks.  
  
Chaltier: Too bad for you, Pally-pal.  
  
Stahn: He's got a Swordian too!  
  
Dymlos: We just keep running into eachother. Well, we would if we had legs anyway. Whattup, g?  
  
Chaltier: I work for Master Leon now. And don't call me that.  
  
King: Dum de dum, oh look it's Leon! He's brought me some people to execute, how kind!  
  
Leon: They did bad stuff and you can kill them now.  
  
King: How about you go to Straylize Temple instead?  
  
Leon: Um.. Okay, but I've got to go back to the mansion and make out with my girlfriend first.  
  
King: Great. Like I always say, making out with girls = ratings.  
  
Leon: Wait here.  
  
Rutee: How long will this take?  
  
Leon: I don't know. If you leave I'll kill you.  
  
Stahn: That sounds painful.  
  
Mary: Yeah, we'll wait.  
  
Marian: Dum de dum, cleaning the table...  
  
Leon: Mmmmmm, the smell of Windex. Boy does that get me on!  
  
Marian: Actually, this is 409, sugar.  
  
Leon: Wow, even better!  
  
Mary: This is boring.  
  
Stahn: No kidding.  
  
Leon: Okay, I'm back. Let's go.  
  
Stahn: Where were you?  
  
Leon: None of your business. Let's go to Straylize.  
  
Rutee: Okay. Stop messing with your hair, that's annoying!  
  
Stahn: I think it's sexy.  
  
Priest: Thanks for saving me. You don't know how scary it is, being locked in a church.  
  
Leon: The Eye of Atamoni -- it's gone!  
  
Rutee: So is my left contact! Damn! I'll never find it in here.  
  
Philia: I feel guilty. I'll go with you.  
  
Stahn: Good a reason as any.  
  
Mary: I'm hungry.  
  
Leon: Let's go back to the King.  
  
King: More people to execute!  
  
Leon: No, this is Philia.  
  
King: Oh, I see... You should go talk to the port and find the Eye.  
  
Leon: Great.  
  
Mary: I'll bet those sailors know where it is.  
  
Leon: Hey sailor, lookin' for a good time?  
  
Sailor: Am I ever!  
  
Leon: Psyche! Tell me where the Eye of Atamoni is.  
  
Sailor: Oh that? I think it's on that other continent.  
  
Leon: Okay, let's go there.  
  
Sailor: Can I have your number? 


	3. Chapter 3: Ilene deserves a sock.

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3: Ilene Deserves a Sock  
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Leon: Well, here we are in this town.  
  
Rutee: It's hot.  
  
Stahn: So are you.  
  
Rutee: You're such a lamer, Stahn.  
  
Leon: Both of you quit arguing and talk about how great I am instead.  
  
Baruk: Yo, wattup?  
  
Leon: We're looking for a big thing called the Eye of Atamoni.  
  
Baruk: Oh yeah, that. It's not here any more. Go to that other place and ask them.  
  
Leon: Okay.  
  
Mary: Wow, he's got the complete Narnia Chronicles set!  
  
Leon: I'll Narnia YOU!  
  
Priest: Go away. No visitors. Have you NO RESPECT?!?  
  
Philia: I'll break morals and let you guys in at night.  
  
Stahn: Yay, nighttime!  
  
Mary: Let's go to the bar!  
  
Rutee: We can't get wasted now, the world is in danger.  
  
Mary: I think that's the best time to get wasted.  
  
Leon: All of you shut up. We can't get wasted since none of us are legally old enough to drink. Cept for Mary.  
  
Philia: Careful, it's dark in here.  
  
Evil Priest: Hooha, you dead!  
  
Rutee: Badda bing badda bang! I think YOU dead, mistah!  
  
Evil Priest: Owwwwww, you suck! I'm telling Lydon!  
  
Evil Head Priest: Bwwwwwargh, die, infidel!  
  
Leon: Tast the steel of justice! Now taste the steel of evil! They taste BAAAAAAAAAAAD don't they? BAAAAAAAAD!  
  
Evil Head Priest: No more, no more! I'm dying, already! Geeze..  
  
Leon: Well, now we should probably go back to the King again.  
  
King: That was quick. But I sense there is more.  
  
Leon: We didn't find it.  
  
King: Oh. Go talk to Ilene then.  
  
Leon: 'Kay. Here we are in Fitzgald.  
  
Stahn: I thought we were in Neuestadt.  
  
Ilene: Hi. You're cute.  
  
Stahn: Okay..  
  
Leon: Bla bla bla, Eye of Atamoni.  
  
Ilene: Oh. In that case, you should go fight some pirates.  
  
Pirates: Can't we all just get along? eyaaaaaa! *BOOM*  
  
Ilene: Good job. Now I'll talk for about five hours. Bla, bla, bla, bla.  
  
Mary: Mmmm, Frosty Kreams... *drool*  
  
Ilene: ...Bla, bla, bla, bla....  
  
Stahn: Hey Rutee, you think maybe some day we'll actually get rich from all this Lens hunting?  
  
Ilene: ...Bla, bla, bla, bla....  
  
Rutee: I don't know, Stahn. I will, but you probably won't.  
  
Ilene: ...Bla, bla, bla, bla....  
  
Philia: All of you -- shuttup! I can't take it anymore!  
  
Ilene: ...Bla, bla, bla, bla....  
  
Philia: *cries*  
  
Ilene: ...Bla, bla, bla, bla.... And that's all there is to it, Stahn.  
  
Leon: Uh.. yeah... We'll be leaving now... I think we're overdue for a new character joining our party.  
  
Rutee: Party? Where's the party?  
  
Mary: Yeah, if you call this a party, I'd hate to go to a kegger put on by you.  
  
Leon: Shuttup. We're going to to Sheeden.  
  
Stahn: Okay, so we're in Sheeden, now what?  
  
Leon: Now we're going to the dock.  
  
Old Man: Guess what? I have the magical power to make a cave to Moreau appear on the south beach!  
  
Leon: Oh? We're going in that direction.  
  
Old Man: Ha, too bad, I won't make it appear unless you give me a big hug!  
  
Leon: Screw you, old man, make the stupid cave appear!  
  
Old Man: Fine, fine...  
  
Karyl: Hiya cool dudes, like, I'm Karyl and I've always got my groove on. Unfortunately some bad stuff's been going down and I thought maybe some tunes would cheer up the populace, but it didn't. My friend is locked in a tower, by the way.  
  
Rutee: I hate politics.  
  
Stahn: We'll help you.  
  
Rutee, Leon, Philia, Mary: Staaaaaaaaaaaaaahnnnn!!  
  
Karyl: No kidding? Gee, thanks dude, a guy like me needs help from guys lik you!  
  
Leon: Tell us where the Eye is.  
  
Karyl: I don't know where it is.  
  
Leon: Not YOU, Batista!  
  
Stahn: Who the hell is Batista?  
  
Leon: Haven't you all been paying attention?! He's the pirate boss! We found him in Sheeden castle, you morons!  
  
Rutee: Oh yeah, him.  
  
Leon: *sigh*  
  
Batista: It's my time to go! Goodbye, my children! *BZZZZZZZT!*  
  
Philia: BOOHOO! THE GUY WHO DID STUFF IS DEAD! *meccaweep*  
  
Rutee: uh.. yeah...  
  
Stahn: Moving on..  
  
Leon: Here we are, in Moreau, where the stores actually WORK.  
  
Karyl: I think I'll join your group.  
  
Stahn: Yay!  
  
Rutee: Yay.  
  
Leon: Yay.  
  
Mary: Yay. I'm hungry.  
  
Philia: Batista! Boooohooooo!!! He's dead!!!  
  
Moreauan Soldier: Ha, stupid kid.  
  
Kid: Waaaah!  
  
Stahn: That's mean! Violence is bad!  
  
Moreauan Soldier: Wanna fight?  
  
Stahn: Of course I do!  
  
Moreauan Soldier: You sure showed me... *run*  
  
Stahn: Hidie Ho, let's enter the castle!  
  
Karyl: I have a better idea. Let's traverse an insane maze of water passageways and sneak in the side of the castle through the sewer system instead.  
  
Stahn: Sure, that sounds great!  
  
Leon: Excuse me, but WHO is in charge of this expedition??  
  
Karyl: I am, of course.  
  
Leon: Omae o korosu!  
  
Zelgadis: Isn't that my line?  
  
Heero: No, it's mine. 


End file.
